Markos Moulitsas: Confirmed Pedophile

Markos Moulitsas:  Confirmed Pedophile


By:  Jason L. Van Dyke, Esq.

When Wes Craven first wrote The Nightmare on Elm Street, the character of Freddy Krueger was conceived as a pedophile rather than a child killer. The reasoning behind this was simple: a pedophile was the worst thing that Craven could think of. Of course, this part of the plot never made it into the final cut due to a string of sex crimes against children in California. The remake cast Krueger as a pedophile as originally intended and was panned by critics – although not for this particular change. Like Nazis, pedophiles are still among the worst things imaginable in a civilized society.

This brings us to Markos Moulitsas who, for those fortunate enough to have never heard of this particular piece of filth, is the publisher of a fake news website named Daily Kos. He is also a horrendous pedophile with a list of victims that stretches back well throughout his 41 years of life and began with his service in the U.S. Army. While most of his fellow soldiers preferred traditional (and legal) sexual fare, Moulitsas’ own desires are best described as, “young, exotic, and male.” His father is Greek, which makes Moulitsas part of a culture with a historically insatiable appetite for sex with young boys. His mother, on the other hand, was a former trick for the MS-13 gang in El Salvador (which probably explains why Markos looks like a crack baby).


Moulitsas was stationed in Germany for much of his time in the Army and likely found his first victims in Bamberg. As extreme discretion would be of the utmost importance to a soldier in the U.S. Army – especially in the era prior to “don’t ask, don’t tell” - his prey likely consisted of orphans, enslaved sex workers from Southeast Asia, and others who authorities wouldn’t miss or that the Army wouldn’t find credible if they blabbed. As the club scene is particularly vibrant in Bamberg, this is also the most likely point in Moulitsas’ life when he began his lifelong addiction to his drug of choice – crystal meth, which allowed him to party longer and have more sexual encounters with children. 

His foray into journalism began after being discharged from the Army – probably under suspicion of sexual misconduct and drug use – in 1992 and enrolled at Northern Illinois University. The licentious life of a college student gave Moulitsas every reason to stick around for as long as he could remain undetected while trolling the streets of DeKalb for younger and fresher meat. The steady supply of easy prey in this blue state college town explains why he remained enrolled long enough to earn two bachelor’s degrees. It also explains why NIU ultimately closed its journalism program – child rapists make inconvenient alumni. Under suspicion by Illinois authorities, Moulitsas chose Boston University School of Law to earn his Juris Doctor – knowing that it was a historical city teeming with dark alleys and narrow corridors where he could continue his wanton sexual exploits – now with young Irish-Catholic schoolboys. He never took the bar exam and really never intended to since his time as a law student was nothing more than a convenient cover story.

His life after law school would ultimately find him living in the city of his dreams – San Francisco – a city so degenerate that it viewed his craven sexual urges as nothing more than an alternative lifestyle choice. Since local authorities were far too busy searching for imaginary hate crimes to be bothered by the occasional aggravated sexual assault on a child, he started a family of his own. He has what is often referred to as an “open marriage” with a wife that is highly understanding of his deviant nature – so long as he keeps it away from their children. The Daily Kos began in 2002 as a means through which to meet young, attractive, and underage boys at drug-fueled sex parties. His hookups would become known as “Kos Kids”. With millions of users today, it now serves as the ultimate cover story for Moulitsas – who can easily claim that he is too busy as a husband, a father, and a publisher of fake news stories to be out kiddy diddling. He remains among the nation’s most prolific child sexual predators to this day.


At this point, many of my readers are probably wondering how I was able to uncover a deviant pedophile hiding in plain sight. Where is my evidence? The answer to that question is simple: the evidence confirming that Markos Moulitsas is a pedophile is located in precisely the same place as the evidence he cites in referring to other Proud Boys and myself as “Nazis”.  In short, it doesn’t exist.  Everything I have written in this article, up to this paragraph, is a work of fiction. It is fake news – just like CNN and Daily Kos.

The truth is that sexual deviants and Nazis exist. We also know that, while they are dangerous critters to deal with, they make up an astronomically small – almost statistically insignificant portion of the population. Liberty loving people like my fellow Proud Boys and I just want to be left the fuck alone. Unfortunately, we have people in this world on both the left and the right who won’t leave us the fuck alone. Nazis and pedophiles both make very convenient boogeymen for those who wish to take our freedom away – and fake news organizations like Daily Kos are more than happy to be complicit in the destruction of our liberties by publishing outright lies to low information voters. Ironically, this makes people like Markos Moulitsas more dangerous to America than a Nazi or a pedophile ever could be. 

Editors Note:this column is satirical. As far as we know Markos Moulitsas is not sexually attracted to young boys.

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